We’re experiencing a pandemic and so you can forget it if you think I’m not going to write about it. How am I feeling? — this way this day, that way the next day…
For the last seven-ish years I’ve worked as a flight attendant (sky waitress, if you’re nasty *kidding*) — aside from seeing all sorts of beautiful travel destinations, slingin’ cokes and pretzels, and responding to the occasional medical emergency at 30,000 feet, what this means is I am usually working hours and days most people aren’t and I encounter hundreds of people in a day. And, I’m usually always on the go…usually always. You may have already started to try to imagine what this is like given the current state of affairs i.e. this global pandemic. Well, it’s a bit of a balancing act.
Right now, my beloved-sometimes glamorous-sometimes not-most enviable career — kinda sucks. Nicely put, it isn’t so great. Each time I have to report to work I experience increased anxiety about going because while the commercial aviation industry functions as “essential”, what we do technically still goes against all quarantine mandates and social distancing rules. But I want to go to work to feel the normalcy that is flight crews and jet fuel and airplane coffee (I know, I know). Only to get there and have to face the realization that even work isn’t the same. Meanwhile there’s Facebook updates, tweets and IG posts as people begin to adjust and readjust, creating new acronyms like “wfh” for their “new normal” — staying home and safe. Being in my feelings takes on new meaning; I self-quarantine on my days off to be like the rest of the world and then get stir crazy cause I don’t know what it is to not be on my way to work after a few days and because I need my cash to flow (feel me). I stay ready for work; my suitcase is always packed (bikini always in it) and I get this weird rush of excitement knowing I get to dress in my uniform and walk the length of an airport terminal. Ok, probably not admirable right now, but I’m painting the picture here. We’re experiencing a pandemic and it has changed my feelings. For now, I most often ONLY want to be in a cocoon (with provisions, of course), or at least with my fiancé, BUT my support system is miles away (some of you, I’m sure, can relate). The real cherry on top is that I’m also planning my wedding (blessings) and preparing to move across the country. Like I said, a balancing act!
Truth is, I know I’m not feeling anything too different from the next person just in a different context with different circumstances. And I know my sacrifice to be at work, do my duty and serve the public pales in comparison to that of medical professionals and first responders. It goes without saying that I am beyond grateful to be able to still work the gig I love in spite of everything, for my income and a company that cares about me as an employee(!!) but I’m also feeling some apprehension, some angst, some sadness, and all the feels that come with this AND allowing that. You should allow yourself too. There is always a light, and my light in this is that I am more introvert than extrovert, I enjoy solitude and this pandemic still opens more space and time for that than ever. I am unplugging more, crying more, reading more, praying more and quite frankly sitting and doing nothing which all bring relief. Find your light. We all have our woes in this and it’s fine. Thankful for YOU and this free space.
Washing my hands and counting my blessings.
Love,
Alma
Ink 