To Ebb And To Flow

ebb and flow

My friend, give yourself some grace. We are all hurting and healing and navigating happiness. It is entirely possible (and necessary, if you ask me) to feel all three of these. And it is OKAY. In the name of humanity. I’m giving you permission without you ever asking, just in case you have been feeling it and trying to figure it all out. We are capable. It is okay to hurt, it’s necessary to heal and it’s GOOD to be happy — about life and good health, surviving; happy for personal success, for friendship, happy that our kids are happy, or happy because we’re blessed with a capital B and thriving; happy about a fresh cup of coffee for goodness sake (me, everyday), whatever the reasons — happy. I think sometimes guilt seeps in for celebrating goodness when we should be mourning. But our lives allow for both. It’s entirely real to be healing from one thing and hurting for another, AND find joy every single day. AND, not OR. (Somebody’s church mother would say, “praise Him, anyhow” but that’s a different sermon for a different day.)

You might be starting to think about how this applies to your own circumstances. Although often hard to see, it is the beauty of life really, a blessing in disguise to face life’s ups and downs; to ebb and to flow. I read an article in the September issue of The Knot magazine on Elaine Welteroth and Jonathan Singletary. In the article, they eloquently describe their wedding day experience, and “experience” it was. Under the bold heading, “Black Life Matters” Elaine and Jonathan not only share the details of their wedding day but also beautifully relate to Black pain, joy and everything in between. Jonathan starts off by saying, “”It’s important to find peace in the storm, it’s important to find gratitude even when it’s difficult.”” Take that with you, friend, cause things will ebb and then they will flow.

I think we all have, at one time or another, heard someone say, “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” And it’s always truer than true.

An extra two cents

On hurting: Sorrow, sadness, grief, pain. Hurting is human but it isn’t who we are, it doesn’t define us unless we let it define us. My prayer is that we don’t just go through it, we GROW through it.

On healing: Healing is my favorite human phenomenon. I think it could honestly probably be considered a necessary evil — honestly probably. Healing is HARD WORK. I consider it a courageous act to begin the process of healing; a miracle of sorts. Even if your wounds are physical, healing requires an inner work — an extraction of old habits and learned behaviors, a good-riddance to pride and the ego; a relinquished hold on the obstacle(s) blocking a new you for you; a cleansing of the soul and renewing of the mind. Healing is (transformational) change plus tax. Whew.

On happiness: If nothing else, with happiness comes relief. Choose happy if for no other reason than to push you forward. Look for the good in everything – it’s there.